How did I know that he is the one?

Actually, I don’t believe the concept of ‘the one’ refers to the idea that there is a perfect, destined soulmate or partner for each individual. For me, the one or the right one is more of a choice or decision we both make to be with each other and we are both willing to keep growing to be the right one for each other. So, it’s not how to find the right one, but how we become the right one for each other. When I am with this right person, my life will be maximum and glorify God more.

So, how did I know or become sure he was the right one? These are the reasons:

1. We met at the right time.

For me the right time for a relationship is when I have already finished my responsibility (as a student), I am independent, not depend on my parents anymore (I already work and live on my own). Also that time, I was at the stage where I did enjoy and was happy being single. I was really focused on work and ministry, I didn’t even try to look for a boyfriend. and at that time I met Gerard.

I believe that God will bring the right person at the right time.

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2. He asked God first before asking me to be his girlfriend.

I always pray that my future husband is someone who will ask God first before asking me. And he did it. without me knowing it, he prayed for me for months during our friendship. After he was sure, he then told me his feelings.

3. He could wait.

Love can wait, if can’t wait then I think it’s lust.

So, after he told me his feelings I answered him, I explained that for me the purpose of dating is for marriage. I don’t want to be his girlfriend when I am not sure that he will be my husband in the future. I asked him to wait for 6 months, for me to pray and know him more before making the decision.

I need to ask God first through prayer if he is someone who God prepared for me. And amazingly he wanted to wait. He didn’t look for an instant answer. We prayed together and talked a lot to know each other more in those 6 months.

4. He showed his effort.

Love is a verb.

I can see his love not just in his words but in his actions. I was amazed when he came to Indonesia. I told him I wanted to involve my family and my close circle in making the decision.

Because I realized when I fell in love, when I liked someone, I was not able to judge logically. I will just focus on the good things and ignore the red flags if there are any. That’s why for me it’s important to ask my family’s opinion about him.

It was impressive when Gerard came to Indonesia, he met my parents, my brother, my sister even my pastor, my mentors, and my close friends.

I trusted those people would tell me if they saw something not good in him and if they didn’t feel peace about us being together.

And after those meetings, all of them approved for him to be with me. Yes, those things made me feel sure to become his girlfriend and then become his wife.

But these all are what I want and what I experienced. It’s not a fixed standard for everyone. Each person can have different beliefs and concepts about relationships. And that’s okay.

5. He has the criteria I was looking for in my future husband.

He has the criteria I was looking for in my future husband. My mentor taught me that I need to pray for my future husband specifically. For example, if I come to a shop to buy shoes, I need to know what kind of shoes I need. What size, what color do I want? Being specific and acknowledging my needs will help me to pray specifically and also help me to not get distracted by a person who is not for me.

At that time, I had some main characters I wanted from my future husband. I want a man who is responsible. And I can see this character in Gerard, how he works hard, always go to work early, etc. I pray for a husband who can play music and do ministry.

I pray for a man who loves God and his family. Also, I pray, and I need a man who is patient and not temperamental. Because I know I will not survive being with someone who is easily angry and will shout at me.

And I am glad to know how patient Gerard is I also made some lists of characteristics that I can’t tolerate:

• not a Christian
• not a responsible person
• temperamental
• smoking

So knowing he has the characteristics that I was looking for and his weaknesses I can still tolerate, it made me feel sure about him.

6. He doesn’t give up

He doesn’t give up on me and us easily.

We started our relationship in LDR, and during our dating also we were in LDR. So many challenges and difficulties. But even when we fought or had problems, he never mentioned ending our relationship.

When I was the one who easily felt doubt and worried, he was the strong one. He was always sure about us and never gave up on me.

7. The most important thing in relationships

The most important thing in relationships.

I always believe that someone who’s coming from God will not draw me away from God. I can see during our relationship I can feel God’s love more through him. The way he loves me, accept me, always make me feel God’s love. I can feel also how we both get closer to God together.

I think this is also the reason why we survived. Okay, that’s all my story. Thank you for reading all of this. I pray that everyone who is praying for their life partner now, will find peace and feel God’s love more. And in His perfect time, He will give you the best life partner you need.

Thank you if you reach this part, and read all of these! Hope you feel blessed through our story.